I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
