If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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