Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize