Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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