He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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