you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
