Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
