Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
