My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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