Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
