UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
