he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
