I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think people are normalizing furries
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
