It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
