Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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