She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
