i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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