I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
