if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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