hotel room ftw
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
