Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
