I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
