The maid of honor just puked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
