i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
