I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize