Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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