the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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