i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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