He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize