I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
