I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
