i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
