is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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