I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
