She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
