Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
