Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
