I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
