my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
