i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
