You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
