I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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