I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
