Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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