3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
