you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
