Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
