On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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