Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
