it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
