I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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