i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize