Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize