So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
