i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
