so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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