so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
