Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
