he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
