I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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