I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
