she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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