I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
