I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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