WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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