Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
