Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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