Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
