do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
