No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
