Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
