Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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