..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
