You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
