I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
