dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
