Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
