Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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