Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize