i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
