remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
