Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
