If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
