That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
