Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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