I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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