the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
